


i don't have a choice (but i'd still choose you)

by ehj



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Crisis, Slow Burn, but i can't stop writing for this ship, i hate myself for starting another wip, like its canon and also not because we live in a gray area kids learn to sit with that, we'll see who else shows up, welcome to the season 5 supercorp fake dating fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:48:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22343590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ehj/pseuds/ehj
Summary: lena remembers everything. except for one little detail lex decided to add and calls her attention to on page 17 of catco magazine:“kara and i are—"“national city’s most beloved power couple.”or: how to date your best friend you’re still angry at and still secretly in love with, a memoir by lena luthor.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 160
Kudos: 1643





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this tumblr post that came from my own annoying ass brain: okay but lets imagine kara and lena ARE dating in this universe and lena wakes up remembering everything and so does kara but everyone around them is like “omg kara and lena… power couple blah blah blah” and so they have to pretend to be normal around everyone else and then figure their shit out in private like imagine alex just overhearing kara and lena yelling at each other and thinking “ahh, they must be roleplaying again” and not thinking anything of it SUPERCORP FAKE DATING IN CANON GIVE IT TO ME
> 
> once i came up with the title i knew i had sold my soul to it.
> 
> title from poison & wine by the civil wars.

Lena remembers everything.

Lena remembers every bit of the plane ride from Metropolis to National City, questioning whether or not leaving Jack behind really was a good idea.

Lena remembers James.

Lena remembers Sam. She remembers Reign. She remembers all the work she’s done with the DEO.

Lena remembers her quarterly assassination attempts (sometimes more often than that), from kidnappings to falling off of buildings on accident to jumping off of cliffs on purpose knowing Kara would catch her when she falls.

Lena remembers how meeting Kara Danvers had felt exactly like jumping off a cliff and hoping that someone would catch her—blindly trusting and feeling an intense exhilaration that morphs into panic as you reach the bottom.

(With Kara, she crashed.)

Lena remembers killing Lex.

Lena remembers his dying breaths, her brother’s blood blooming on his chest as he told her:

_Kara Danvers is Supergirl._

And Lena remembers that too.

She remembers the fallout. The devastation. The betrayal that somehow still burns brightly in her now.

Lena remembers Kara’s pleas, all her speeches—

Lena remembers those better than she’d like to admit. She’s replayed them over and over in her head since she woke up. Kara’s voice is the soundtrack as she goes about the day.

_And I thought if I could be Kara, just Kara, that I could keep you—_

_I didn’t want to lose you._

_I made a big mistake, maybe the biggest mistake of my life._

_…even when I was weak and lied to you, knowing that all you ever wanted was the truth._

_Lena, wait—_

Lena remembers everything.

Lena remembers dying.

She remembers the helpless feeling, the feeling of doom, of being so _tired_ …

So tired because her efforts to save billions from Earth-38 had all been for nothing.

Lena remembers looking around at Alex and Kelly, at Brainy and Nia, at all the strangers she’d saved and couldn’t save again, hugging their loved ones.

And Lena remembers being completely alone.

Lena remembers feeling nothing but regret as she’d felt for the watch in her pocket, her thumb running over the House of El emblem on the device Kara had given her, and sometime shortly after, being enveloped by darkness.

Lena remembers it all.

Even the parts she wishes she doesn’t.

And Lena shoves down the regret that creeps back in as she thinks about dying without Kara in her life. She pushes it all into a box that’s bursting at the seams and kicks it away as she hears a soft landing on her balcony.

Lena’s instinct tells her she needs to process that regret further.

But that’s what the boxes are for.

And it doesn’t even matter anyway. Because right now, she’s still alive, still has her memories, and Supergirl has touched down on her balcony.

Lena isn’t really sure what to feel.

Before she’d woken up from her drug-induced haze this morning, Lena had thought she’d never see her again.

And maybe that’s why she softens—just the smallest bit—at the nervous, excited smile Kara gives her when Lena stands from her desk.

It’s almost endearing.

Almost.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

Kara doesn’t look her in the eyes when she says it. The soft smile has already passed, and Kara walks right past her into her office. And it’s still so strange to Lena to see Supergirl—the confident, invulnerable superhero she’d built up in her mind—anxious and unsure, a ball of nerves. It’s so strange to see Supergirl be so Kara.

“Here I am.”

Kara turns back toward her.

“So, uh, there’s something I have to tell you. I know you think Lex is a good man, and that he’s your partner—"

“Save it. I already know.”

Oh.

It catches Lena off guard.

Kara had avoided this conversation once for years.

Lena’s just surprised she hadn’t done it again.

And for just a moment—the one in between when Kara starts talking and when Lena interrupts her—Lena lets herself imagine a world where this is the first time she’s learning that Kara is Supergirl, that Kara got to tell Lena herself, that Kara told her so long ago.

That the multiverse hadn’t had to fall apart and be put back together just for them to get here again.

But instead Lena cuts her off, because that feeling of regret—that feeling of regret and something else Lena can’t quite place, doesn’t _want_ to—is creeping back up, and Lena needs to kill it.

“What exactly…do you know?”

Lena sighs.

“The crisis, what Lex did, what you did…”

“Lex…”

“And you took the punch.”

Lena watches as Kara’s face falls, as the realization hits her that she won’t get this moment. That Lex has stolen it from her. That she wasn’t quick enough.

And Lena steels herself once again.

Because Kara had so many chances.

She just never took them.

“What did you think would happen when you came here? That you’d tell me everything in a bit of selflessness, even if it meant that I knew how you betrayed me? And then I’d just keel over and forgive you?”

The longing in Kara’s eyes tells Lena she’d hope this would go differently.

“Lena, I hurt you. I know I hurt you. And I’m never, ever going to do it again. And I know how much good you want to do in the world.”

Kara steps closer, and Lena struggles to keep breathing.

Because she’ll never tell, but there were moments when Lena didn’t think she’d get to be this close to Kara again.

“Just think of what we could do together to help people.”

Kara says it with such earnestness, with a dreamy look in her eyes that tells Lena she truly believes in it.

It almost is enough to make Lena want to believe, too.

“Funny. Lex gave me the same pitch,” she says instead.

Lena watches Kara’s hope drain again when the realization dawns.

“He asked you to help.”

Maybe Lena says it because she’s just being honest. Maybe Lena says it because she wants Kara to hurt. Maybe Lena says it because she wants Kara to fight for her.

Lena can’t decide.

“You’re not seriously considering, are you?”

Lena doesn’t say anything, just keeps training her eyes on Kara. She expects her to be angry, to launch into another speech about how Lena’s too good of a person to do that, how she’s nothing like Lex or any of her family, how she hopes that Kara’s mistakes won’t change Lena.

And Lena prepares herself for another fight that leaves them spinning in circles, with Kara telling her she’s a good person, and Lena telling her she doesn’t need Kara to be her personal cheerleader.

(Even if she does miss it.)

“Please, just be careful.”

It hits Lena square in the chest.

But before Lena can say anything, Kara has squatted and propelled off her balcony into the afternoon air.

_Please, just be careful._

It’s a plea for Lena’s safety above all else, and Lena feels relief and gratitude wash over her—relief and gratitude that Kara had left before Lena had done something stupid.

Like keel over and forgive her.

Because Kara isn’t trying to force her into anything.

She just wants her safe.

Lena wants to believe her.

She wants so badly to believe her.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Lena whirls around to find Lex standing in the middle of her office, arms crossed with a smirk on his face.

“Shut up, Lex.”

Lena moves to sit down at her desk again and ignore him, but she hears her brother’s annoying chuckle as he only steps closer.

The smirk grows into a sinister smile, and Lena doesn’t like where this is going at all.

“I don’t suppose you’ve checked the papers at all since you woke up. Online gossip columns? CatCo?”

Lena ignores him, logging back on to her laptop and closing out of the Google search she’d done of Supergirl and Luthorcorp working together, opening her lab software instead to at least pretend she’s occupied.

“Can’t say I’ve had the time.”

Lena groans as Lex not only walks closer to her desk but perches himself on top of the corner of it and pushes a copy of CatCo Magazine into her face.

“Well, I couldn’t decide if I’d let you find out on your own or not, but now, I think, I want to see your face when you find out.”

_What is he talking about?_

“Find out what?”

Lena’s eyes zero in on the cover, featuring Batwoman’s fiery red hair and stony look staring back at her.

“That Batwoman is a lesbian? I could’ve told you that.”

Lena’s eyes scan over the headline _Batwoman reveals herself as a lesbian_ and tries her best to ignore the _her exclusive interview with Kara Danvers_ subheading. But surely that isn’t what Lex is getting at.

Lena just shakes her head in confusion as she keeps gazing over the cover, until Lex points to a smaller heading on the middle left of the page.

_What’s Next for Lena? Lena Luthor spotted in Gotham_

Lena is about to protest and say she hasn’t been in Gotham recently when Lex interrupts her, and Lena’s stomach drops.

“Go to page 17.”

Lena remains calm on the outside, quirking an eyebrow at Lex in a way that tells him she’s tired of his childish games.

On the inside, she wonders what else Lex has bargained for in bringing himself back to life.

And that’s when Lena turns to page 17 and sees it.

_What’s Next for Lena Luthor?_

_The billionaire stepped out in Gotham with CatCo’s very own Kara Danvers, Luthor’s girlfriend._

Girlfriend.

Not girl friend.

Or best friend, for that matter.

Lena reads it again.

And again.

And ten more times.

_Kara Danvers, Luthor’s girlfriend._

It isn’t that this is necessarily a bad thing.

It isn’t that this is necessarily something that Lena doesn’t like.

It’s that it’s everything Lena has ever wanted.

Lena isn’t sure when or where or how, and these days, even the _why_ is unclear sometimes, but somewhere along the line, Lena fell in love with her best friend.

Stupidly, foolishly, embarrassingly in love.

Lena remembers everything.

All morning, she’s found herself wishing she could forget that she’s still in love with Kara.

Maybe it was from the first day she met Kara, from the first interview, or when Lena realized she’s never had friends or family like Kara before. Or when she got inexplicably jealous of Mon-El. Or when she dated James to try and feel anything but love for Kara. Lena’s suppressed it, stuffed it, made a Russian nesting doll of this box, burying it deeper and deeper in larger boxes and hoping it doesn’t spill over. She could always keep it under control.

It was never going to happen anyway.

And it was certainly never going to happen once she found out about Supergirl.

But Lena keeps that a secret despite telling Kara there can be no more secrets between them, despite Kara telling her there are no boundaries.

Lena keeps pretending.

“Kara and I are—"

“National City’s most beloved power couple.”

Lena can’t decide if she’s going to pass out or throw up or both.

“So I am in hell.”

Lex only laughs loudly as he swipes the magazine from Lena’s hands.

“Oh, please. You should be thanking me.”

“You did this?”

Lena knows this, because who else could it be? How else could it be?

But the confirmation that Lex is doing this, clearly with the intent to torture Lena, is just too much.

“Of course. Sometimes love just needs a push.”

Lena’s heart skips at a beat at the word _love_ , and immediately she’s vehemently denying it.

“I don’t love Kara.”

“Could have fooled me.”

Of course she loves Kara.

It’s why Lex is always using Kara to hurt her.

“And what does a sociopath bent on world domination know about love?”

Lex only shrugs and rises from Lena’s desk.

“I have to keep some secrets.”

Lex throws a casual wave over his shoulder as he heads for the door.

“See ya later, sis.”

Lex is about to leave, the door almost closed behind him, when he pops his head back in.

“Oh, hope you’re still considering my offer. I think you might be spending plenty of time with Kara Danvers. Might need some bonding time with your dear brother instead.”

He winks and closes the door behind him.

And Lena doesn’t have time to process all of that—that somehow, part of Lex’s grander plan is to use the fact that Kara and Lena are apparently dating in this universe to his advantage.

Because Lena can’t quite get past the _Kara and Lena are apparently dating._

Lena remembers everything.

She can’t remember the exact moment she fell for Kara, but she remembers all the times in the past she’d secretly wished that what she has right now was a reality.

And oh, does she wish she could forget.

//

“I’m so glad J’onn restored your memories, Alex.”

Kara walks down the sidewalks of the new National City with Alex at her side, holding a box of a dozen donuts, six of which Kara has already eaten.

“Me too. But I gotta say, I’m not mad about the addition of this donut shop. Whoever did this is a genius.”

Earth-Prime is strange.

Everything is the same, for the most part. Most of the places Kara knows are the same. Most of the restaurants, the mall, CatCo. It’s all the same.

And yet everything feels foreign. There aren’t many changes, but just enough for Kara to notice.

Like the new donut shop down the street.

Like the L-Corp logo being replaced with Luthorcorp.

Like Lex Luthor being a beloved figure of society.

Like the DEO commercial she definitely doesn’t remember shooting.

National City feels familiar, but it doesn’t quite feel like home.

Kara feels just like she did when she first landed on Earth.

Like maybe someday, she could belong here.

But today isn’t that day.

“Hey, have you gotten a chance to see Lena yet?” Alex asks.

Immediately, Kara’s back in her L-Corp…no, _Luthorcorp_ …office a few hours ago, begging Lena to be careful.

Kara wants to believe that maybe, she’s chipping away at Lena’s armor again. That maybe she can get her best friend back. Kara thinks of the moment of hope she’d had, the moment of courage when she’d started to tell Lena, like Kara was finally going to get the chance to take the power back and tell Lena about her identity on her own terms.

But Lena remembers everything.

On the one hand, Kara would love a clean slate. She would have loved to just not tell Lena at all.

On the other hand, Kara was hoping that Lena would soften knowing that Kara had come to her sooner.

In reality, she gets neither.

She and Lena are right back where they started before the Crisis.

Kara’s just glad that she’ll maybe get the chance to fix things.

There were moments at the Vanishing Point, at the Dawn of Time, at all the places Kara has been, that she thought she’d never get that chance.

_I’ve been looking for you._

_Here I am._

Little did Lena know that Kara had been looking for her for months. Waiting for her.

Waiting for the chance to make things right.

“Yeah. I, uh, I saw her a little bit earlier today.”

Alex turns to her expectantly, and Kara doesn’t know what she’s waiting on.

“And?”

Kara just shrugs. There’s not much else to say.

They’re still at odds with each other.

“God, I bet you two missed each other so much.”

It’s strange. Another example of how this world feels so familiar and so different at the same time.

Because the last Kara knew, she was having to fight Alex just to see Lena’s side. Alex was having to talk Kara out of thinking with her heart and not her head. Alex was trying to convince Kara to not put Lena before the fate of the rest of the world when the Crisis hit.

“I mean, yeah, I do miss her. After everything—"

Kara cuts herself off when she sees Alex squint in confusion.

“What do you mean you miss her? Like present tense? You just saw her.”

Kara doesn’t even get the chance to open her mouth to say something (she doesn’t know what to say anyway) when Alex continues.

“Listen, I know you and Lena are disgustingly cute together, but even saying you miss each other after seeing her two hours ago is a little much. You all have been dating for six months now.”

_Dating for six months now._

She and Lena.

Are dating.

Kara.

Is dating Lena.

Lena Luthor.

Earth-Prime is strange.

Kara feels like she’s finally put together a puzzle, only for someone to paint over it with a different picture while she wasn’t looking. Like they took that new picture and rearranged all the pieces.

The foundation is the same, but Kara is uncovering a completely different scene.

A scene that apparently involves her and Lena dating.

And, at least when she last saw Lena, it didn’t seem like Lena knew.

Or maybe she did.

Kara can’t decide which scenario is worse.

Kara stops dead in the middle of the sidewalk and nearly drops the box of donuts.

“We what?”

Alex raises her eyebrows in surprise.

“You and Lena?”

Alex looks even more worried and reaches for Kara’s arms, holding her tight and searching Kara’s face.

“Do you not remember for some reason? Oh god, is this a side effect of the Crisis?”

Kara could tell the truth. Kara could say that she doesn’t know why Alex is under the impression that she and Lena are together when they are very much not.

Instead, Kara wonders what Lex has to do with this.

Instead, Kara makes the rash decision to possibly spend more time with Lena, spend more time earning her trust back, by lying to everyone around them and pretending to date her.

She doesn’t want Alex to worry, after all.

“I—No—of course I remember that Lena and I are dating.”

Kara smoothly transitions by adding, “It still just surprises me every day that I get to, you know?”

Kara can’t figure out why that was her the next logical thought in her mind, why it comes so easily.

It doesn’t matter because Alex is fake gagging and rolling her eyes.

“Okay, I hope there’s never another Crisis because it turns you into an absolute sap. Like more than usual. God, that’s gross.”

Kara laughs and hopes that Alex thinks it’s real, when really she’s just laughing nervously as it starts to really hit her that apparently she and Lena are dating.

Does everyone think that? J’onn restored Alex’s memories, but she doesn’t know the truth. How did this happen? Does Lena know? Does anyone else know they’re not actually together?

“Hey, Alex… I should probably get to CatCo. See what’s going on there. I’ll see you later?”

Alex smiles and replies, “Yeah, I’ll just be at the DEO. I’ll tell Lena you say hi.”

“You really don’t have to do that.”

Alex bumps her shoulder affectionately, and Kara surreptitiously dives into the nearest alleyway before ripping her glasses from her face and taking flight.

Kara does a quick-change back into her street clothes and heads to her desk, determined to find answers.

Kara starts with a simple Google search of their names. She types in _Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor_ into the search engine and nearly faints at the 1,766,000 search results she gets.

Kara finds social media websites dedicated to their relationship, articles with proposed timelines of when they got together, even pictures of the two of them together that Kara has no memory of taking.

Kara feels like she’s living someone else’s life.

She scrolls through the results.

_Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor: America’s Hottest Couple!_

_Lena Luthor Spotted with CatCo Reporter at Gala_

_Who’s Lena’s Mystery Woman?_

_#Karlena: Ten Reasons Why We Ship It!_

_Lena Luthor Spotted in Gotham for Weekend Getaway with Girlfriend_

She clicks on Lena’s Instagram and sees pictures she has memories of and a few she doesn’t—including one where Lena has her arms slung around Kara’s shoulders as she smiles, with Lena leaning down and kissing Kara’s neck.

“You know you could just call her, right?”

“What?”

Kara’s breathless when she whirls around and sees William standing over her chair, pointing at the computer screen.

“Lena. Instead of awkwardly googling yourself.”

Kara flounders, because this is all so new to her.

Kara can think on her feet when she has to.

But this feels like handling an atomic bomb.

“Oh, I—"

“Are you all fighting or something?”

Kara scoffs and shrugs him off.

“No. We’re fine. Lena and I are fine.”

Kara keeps shaking her head uselessly, as William just stares back at her with a growing grimace.

“I am just… hopelessly in love. And couldn’t help but scroll through articles about us.”

It must sound convincing enough, because William is shaking his head in return and somehow, grimacing even harder.

“You two are like, disturbingly in love. Has anyone ever told you that?”

Kara laughs and wants to kick herself for the brief thought crossing her mind that tells her she wishes that that were true.

“Maybe once or twice.”

“Never really cared for her brother, honestly.”

Kara’s eyes narrow.

Earlier today, William had appeared to be drinking the Lex Kool-Aid along with Andrea and everyone else.

Everyone believed he was good.

“Wait, really?”

“Promise you won’t tell? I know he’s probably your future in-law.”

Kara is entirely unsure what to make of that sentence.

It’s bad enough to live in a world where Lex Luthor is someone that everyone (almost everyone) adores.

She hadn’t even considered the part where she’s _dating his sister._

“No, I—l was just going to say that I’m not the biggest fan of Lex either.”

“Really?”

Kara shrugs.

“I just don’t trust him. He’s hurt Lena too many times.”

William opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, and then closes it with a somber look.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing. I’ll tell you another time.”

William leaves quickly after that, waving goodbye and telling Kara to say hi to Lena for him, and leaving behind a very confused Kara.

Kara has been in this new world for only a couple of days and has come to three major conclusions:

1) She needs to stop Lex Luthor.

2) She and Lena need to have a very long talk.

3) She is probably in completely over her head in at least one of the above areas.

Kara goes home shortly after, telling Andrea she’s going to interview someone for an article and instead nearly crashing through her apartment window and onto her laptop to keep searching for answers about her and Lena’s life together.

Kara doesn’t let herself react. She doesn’t let herself feel. She doesn’t let herself think about what this means for her and Lena, or why the whole idea of them together doesn’t feel as foreign as the rest of this new National City does.

Kara just keeps playing over and over again in her mind that she needs to talk to Lena about this as soon as possible.

Kara isn’t sitting at her laptop for much longer when she hears a knock on the door of her apartment. Kara lifts her glasses to see through the door and sprints over when she sees the silhouette.

Kara tries not to think about how Lena hasn’t been at her apartment door in weeks.

Kara tries not to think about how much she misses Lena, how maybe, this is a way for them to be around each other more.

Kara tries not to think about that.

Kara tries to think about getting answers first.

Kara opens the door wide to see a stone-faced Lena Luthor standing there with her arms crossed, quirking an eyebrow as she deadpans,

“Hi honey. I’m home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's collect our supercorp endgame!
> 
> EDIT: okay. since a couple people have mentioned it- alex having her memories "restored" but then still having the altered memory of kara and lena being together is INTENTIONAL. there is a REASON for it. that has not been REVEALED because this is the FIRST CHAPTER. if you're going to point it out, ask nicely like most of you have and don't be a dick.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lena and kara talk about their new arrangement. lena tries to manage her feelings for kara and is failing. kara is fantastically bad at fake dating. everyone is just doing their best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so two things: 
> 
> i am incredibly overwhelmed by how many people read the first chapter and all the attention this has gotten like... wow. thank you. for real. so much. but also, please don't be a dick? i'm doing this for free, and if you're just attacking me or other people in the comments, i'm not going to keep doing this. literally no one is holding you at gunpoint telling you to read this. in this fandom, i think sometimes we hold content creators to a higher standard than we hold the actual writers of the show who are getting paid to write, which is sad and frustrating for a lot of reasons. i'm just here to have a good time, y'all. 
> 
> on the topic of the actual writing of the show, this is probably not going to follow canon as closely as i originally hoped in light of recent events! holy shit! i didn't think it could get worse than sdcc17 but some cast members seem really bent on getting close! so enjoy this chapter sponsored by my anger.

Lena wishes she could control her heartbeat better as she approaches Kara’s door. She knows Kara can probably hear her, can probably sense her coming. Lena’s sarcastic greeting of “Hi honey, I’m home” does not at all match how she’s feeling on the inside.

On the inside, she’s terrified. She’s nervous that somehow this is going to be it. This is going to force her hand, and she’s going to have to explain to Kara that one of the reasons she can’t bring herself to say “I forgive you” is because Lena wants Kara in a way she knows she can’t have her.

Or thought she couldn’t.

Because according to everyone else in the world, Lena does have Kara.

And right now, Kara is opening her door so quickly that Lena isn’t sure how it doesn’t come off its hinges.

“Lena,” Kara says in a greeting. 

Kara’s mouth stays open, but nothing comes out.

Kara’s probably just as disoriented as Lena is, she thinks. Maybe even more. Lena’s at least (in her weaker moments) allowed herself to indulge in a few short virtual reality scenarios featuring her and Kara on a date, her and Kara being together, Kara leaning in toward Lena with her eyes on Lena’s lips…

(But Lena had nearly ripped off the VR contacts at the feeling of a dream version of Kara’s lips. It just felt wrong. Like too much and not enough at the same time.

And most importantly, not real.)

“Hi,” Lena responds, harsher than she means it but only to shake herself out of her own head and out of thinking about Kara’s lips.

Kara pivots sideways and motions for Lena to come in, and Lena’s heart beats even faster thinking about how she hasn’t set foot in this apartment, a place that had become such a fixture of her life, really, in weeks.

Everything about it looks so similar that Lena almost forgets they’re on a different earth until she looks around.

Kara clears her throat and paces back and forth next to the kitchen, which features a refrigerator with a few pictures of Kara and Lena together on the door. Lena stays still near the doorway, her entire body tense.

“So, what’s going on?”

Kara asks it with a little bit of fear in her voice and a lot of confusion. Lena just opens her mouth and shrugs.

Because where do they even begin when they’ve barely had a conversation in weeks?

“Like, just to be clear, that was a joke, right? You don’t actually think we’re dating?”

Kara’s pointing to the door, and Lena realizes she’s referring to the joking greeting and pet name, which clearly has Kara even more shaken.

Lena tenses further.

“No.”

Lena sees that Kara is about to ask something to the effect of “No what?” and continues.

“I remember everything from before the crisis. The way it actually happened. You know that.”

Kara lets out a sigh of relief and braces herself on the kitchen counter. 

“Okay. Good. Me too.”

Lena shifts back and forth on her heels as Kara takes a few moments to collect herself, slowing her breathing and then adjusting her glasses before looking up Lena with a soft smile that Lena wishes didn’t still hit her right in the heart.

“I’m actually really glad you came by.”

Kara steps forward and into Lena’s space.

Lena flinches and takes a step back.

Lena watches as Kara averts her eyes and seems to realize her mistake—that she can’t just step that close to Lena anymore without it feeling weird or charged or ‘not allowed.’

Lena can’t decide if she’s keeping distance between them because she wants Kara to keep hurting or because Lena doesn’t trust herself to be this close to Kara right now.

Kara takes a step backward and asks, “So, it appears you and I have all our original memories, right?”

Lena nods in agreement.

“I had J’onn restore Alex’s memories.”

Kara trails off after this, still looking away from Lena like she’s trying to figure out a way to explain what she wants to say. It’s clear to Lena that she wants to say more. This is classic nervous Kara.

“And?” Lena prompts.

Kara sighs and keeps wringing her hands before mumbling, “She still thinks we’re dating.”

Lena’s face scrunches in confusion, in shock.

Alex can’t possibly think that Lena and Kara were dating on Earth-38. Alex knew about the reveal, the betrayal, all of it. Lena very clearly recalls her last conversation with Alex before the Crisis, their stilted working together to evacuate Earth-38. Alex _knows_ she and Kara aren’t together. Alex _knows_ Lena is angry at Kara.

She has to know that.

“So Alex has all her original memories, except for…us?”

Kara nods solemnly, and Lena feels her vision blur for a second and her whole body start to tingle.

This can’t be happening.

Lena’s stomach rolls as she thinks about her brother somehow being behind this.

He has to be.

But how could Lex manipulate the multiverse to his will like this?

“Yes,” Kara answers.

Lena steps even further away from Kara and lets herself fall into a chair in Kara’s living room.

It’s sensory overload—the entire place smells the same, smells like Kara, feels like Kara…

Lena sits down because she’s not sure her legs could move or hold her up if she wanted them to.

Lex has given Lena everything she’s wanted in theory.

And it feels like hell.

“So until we find out anything different, you, me, and Lex are the only three on Earth who know we’ve never actually dated?”

Kara’s eyes widen as she stops pacing and joins Lena in the living room, sitting on a couch opposite her.

“Lex…”

Kara shakes her head as Lena watches her try to put together all the pieces, but even Lena hasn’t gotten that far.

“So you think he had something to do with this?”

Kara is searching Lena’s eyes frantically, and Lena has to tear her gaze from Kara’s eyes down to the carpet. Lena’s afraid if she even looks at Kara for too long she’ll end up spilling it all.

_You should be thanking me._

_Sometimes love just needs a push._

There’s a terrible part of Lena, in the back of her head, that’s thrilled at the idea of living in a world where, to everyone around them, they’re a normal, beloved couple.

But most of her is scared and angry because she knows for certain that Lex is behind this somehow.

She just can’t figure out the why.

“Most likely,” is all Lena says in reply, trying to keep her voice as even as possible.

“But why would he do this? Of all the things he could have changed about the timeline, he chooses to put himself in power and make us a couple?”

There’s a lump growing in Lena’s throat now, and her legs don’t work, and her brain must be close to short-circuiting.

Because for some reason, Lex is trying to use Kara as a weapon against Lena. Lex wants Lena’s emotions compromised and her intellect on his side for his own gain.

And in the few hours she’s been awake, Lena’s entire world is turned on its head again—

The brother she shot in the chest is alive.

Lena had died, which feels like another experience that she’ll never get anywhere near close to processing.

She’s still so desperately angry at Kara, but right now, she might be one of the only people worth trusting.

“Well, I’m sure he has his reasons.”

“Then we need to find out what they are. It can’t be for anything good.”

Kara rises again and keeps pacing, a kinetic representation of exactly how Lena’s brain feels right now, jumping from the confusing bits of this new reality to everything she remembers from the old one.

“So what are we going to do about this?” Kara asks, after Lena’s convinced she’s about to burn a track in the hardwood.

And Lena knows Kara means _this_ is referring to _them,_ how they’re going to sell a fake relationship. And Lena’s sure that Lex will find some kind of consequence for it, but Lena only has one option.

(Or, that’s what she tells herself.)

“Well, I’m dumping you obviously.”

Kara tilts her head to the side and sighs.

“Lena—"

“How are we supposed to fake a relationship when you and I can barely hold a conversation?”

Lex has given Lena everything she wants.

But she can’t do it.

Not like this.

And probably not ever.

Kara seems bothered by the question, though, crossing her arms and stepping closer to Lena in a way that has Lena unnerved.

“Last time I checked, I’ve been trying to have a conversation with you. You won’t let me.”

And maybe that’s true. But they both know Lena’s reasons for it.

(Well, Kara doesn’t know _all_ the reasons, Lena thinks.)

Lena keeps her mouth shut and lets Kara keep talking.

It’s not worth spinning their wheels in the same argument they’ve been having.

“We can’t just suddenly break up. Especially if all our friends are under the impression that we’re together? Alex will have so many questions, and I have no clue how to answer them because I don’t know anything about what our relationship looks like in this timeline.”

It’s a valid point, Lena thinks. They’ve only just discovered this new relationship status six hours ago, and it would look suspicious to just suddenly announce a breakup when according to what Lena has seen, she and Kara are in a very solid place.

(Lena has to hold back a groan when her automatic thought is that she kind of wishes that were true.)

The thought of having to be around Kara is both so appealing and so difficult at the same time.

“And what’s in this for me, Kara?”

Lena holds up a hand before Kara can reply and clarifies, “And I don’t mean that in the ‘I’m a Luthor and need a reason to be doing this,’ but Kara—"

Lena stops herself. And all she can do is shake her head and give Kara the same wounded look she’s been giving her for weeks.

Lena wants to scream because it’s all catching up with her—that she lives in a world where she has Kara and doesn’t at the same time. Where she wants to push her away and pull her close.

She wishes loving Kara could have stopped immediately when Lex had told her that Kara is Supergirl. Lena thought maybe it would when she saw Kara again after that, at game night later that night.

It didn’t.

It hasn’t.

If anything, Lena wants Kara all the more because she thought for sure she was going to lose her, lose everything.

Lena _had_ lost everything. Even her own life.

“You hurt me so badly. It’s hard to be around you.”

It’s so hard to be around Kara, and part of that is because it feels so familiar. Being around Kara feels safe in a way the rest of the world doesn’t.

But she’ll never tell Kara that.

Lena hears Kara let out a shaky breath. She nods and wrings her hands before looking back down at Lena with pleading eyes, and in the second before Lena’s head catches up with her heart, she’s pretty sure she’d do anything Kara asked.

“Look, whatever Lex is planning, you and I both know it can’t be good. And pretty much everyone else in the world besides a strong and vocal few thinks he’s the patron saint of philanthropy. And I know he’s made a pitch to you about working with him, but please, Lena—"

Kara stops pacing and kneels before Lena, who tries to press further into the chair. Kara reaches out impulsively and grabs for one of Lena’s hands.

Lena can’t suppress a gasp, and it causes Kara to look down at their hands and then back up at Lena with wide eyes. Kara mumbles an apology before taking her hand back and moving it to one of the arms of the chair.

Lena stops herself from reaching back out as she recovers from the shockwave that came from Kara touching her.

In the time between Kara’s identity reveal and now, when Lena continued to play the part of best friend, there were still hugs and holding hands and comforting hands on shoulders. It hasn’t been that long since she’s been close enough to touch Kara, maybe a couple of weeks.

It still feels like so long.

Too long.

Lena tries to push aside the feeling of warmth that had spread through her hand with Kara’s touch as she continues.

“We’ve always been stronger together. So if we can figure this mess out and find a way to expose Lex for who he really is, we’re going to have to work as a team.”

Lena wants to stay angry at Kara. She wants to keep pretending she’ll never forgive her. She wants to keep pretending that she’ll never open her heart back up to Kara even though Lena knows it’s one of the only things she’s sure of right now: the simple truth that Kara is inevitable, that this is probably just a catalyst for what was bound to happen anyway.

But Lena vows to herself that she’ll continue to keep her at arms’ length.

(It’s a weak promise.)

But Lena needs to hold herself to it. She’s not sure she can handle having her heart broken by Kara again.

And armed with her own Supergirl-sized secret, Lena knows that’s exactly where she’s headed if she’s not careful.

“Fine. But only because the world isn’t a safe place with my brother in it.”

She’s not doing this for Kara, she tries to tell herself.

She’s not even doing this for herself.

It’s for the good of humanity and has nothing to do with the fact that Kara makes her feel safe.

“Thank you,” Kara answers as she exhales, her face full of genuine gratitude.

Lena can only manage to look at her for a second and nod solemnly before looking away.

Kara gets up from the floor and walks back toward the kitchen, pacing again, but this time less nervous and more determined.

But another large question still remains.

“So then how are we going to handle this… relationship?” Lena asks tentatively, somehow finding the strength to push herself up onto her feet and stand upright, standing tall with shoulders back and chin held high and totally opposite of how she’s feeling about this.

Lena thinks more intently about the implications of the two faking a romantic relationship and lists them off as they come to mind.

“We’re going to have to make public appearances, go to game nights, probably double date with Alex and Kelly.”

Kara just stares at the floor, appearing to be taking it all in, before her eyes widen and look up at Lena before stage whispering, “Are we gonna have to kiss?”

The most surprising part is that Kara doesn’t seem disturbed by the thought, more curious about what this new reality all holds for them.

But Lena’s heart starts beating a mile a minute, and she wonders if she needs to sit back down again. 

“From what I’ve read so far, we seem to be a…very affectionate couple,” is all Lena can think to say in response.

Lena’s looked through her own social media pages. She’s seen pictures of her lips on Kara’s cheek and vice-versa, one of what looked like Kara’s bare muscular back peeking out through the covers of her bed.

“That’s what I’ve gathered from Alex as well.”

Kara falls quiet after that, and so does Lena.

They’ve always been affectionate friends.

But this?

Lena wants to kiss Kara more than she should.

So she just shrugs in response.

“We can always not do that and just say we’ve decided to take a more private approach?” Kara suggests.

“I guess we figure it out as we go. Besides, you’re a great actress.”

It’s a low blow. But Lena needs to take back some of the quickly dwindling power she has now that she and Kara are discussing whether or not they should kiss.

“Lena—"

But Kara stops herself and takes a breath.

She doesn’t finish the sentence. She doesn’t tell Lena she’s sorry again. She doesn’t tell Lena how good she is.

She just moves forward.

And maybe, Lena thinks, this is the way they’ll start to get back to some semblance of normal.

“So maybe we start by posting something on Instagram of the two of us. It seems like we’re both pretty active with posting about each other.”

Lena’s heart races again at the thought of being close to Kara, but this time she can prepare herself for it. It’s not unexpected.

She’s in control.

She can do this.

It’s just a picture.

“Sure. Fine.”

Lena pulls her phone from her pocket and turns on the front-facing camera. She waits for Kara to step closer, and Lena tries to keep a calm smile when Kara steps into her space from behind her. Lena quickly snaps the picture, and Kara stays peering over her shoulder to look at it.

They’re not touching at all. Kara’s face is just next to Lena’s and a little behind her. They’re both smiling, but this doesn’t look anything like the previous pictures they’ve taken even as friends.

It just looks like two acquaintances. Two people who aren’t close at all.

“You don’t look genuinely happy,” Kara observes.

She’s not.

“How happy am I supposed to look, Kara?” Lena bites back instead.

Kara steps away with a sigh.

“I—here, let’s try a different pose.”

Kara points to the couch and motions for Lena to sit down, and Kara walks around to the back of the chair, folding her arms over the top of it near Lena’s head and resting her head close to Lena’s.

Lena takes the picture and frowns when she sees it.

“That looks too staged.”

Lena knows they’re going to have to do better than this. She thinks back through all the pictures she and Kara have posed for in the past and loses her breath when she realizes that pretty much any pose from past pictures of theirs would work.

She thinks about all the pictures of them with their arms wrapped around each other, their faces pressed together, ones with Lena sitting in Kara’s lap—ones she actually remembers taking. Ones from a world where they’re not together.

Lena’s not quite sure what to think about that.

“Let me try something,” she says, rising from the couch and motioning for Kara to sit down before she can talk herself out of it.

Kara lets out an “oh” when Lena sits on Kara’s lap and lays her legs over the arm of the chair and leaning her torso in to Kara.

Kara wraps her arms around Lena as she snaps a picture.

Lena hopes Kara can’t somehow feel her heartbeat from being this close to her as she stays draped across Kara’s lap while she looks at the picture.

“Yeah, I—we look happy,” Kara says, and Lena wonders if the breathlessness in Kara’s voice is imagined. 

Lena doesn’t look up at Kara, just keeps staring at the picture.

She’s honestly not sure which option is worse.

They do look happy. They look good.

They might even pass as a couple.

And all of that combined with the fact that all Lena can feel all around her is the cozy warmth of Kara’s arms still snaked around her is enough for Lena to clear her throat and quickly rise from the couch as she opens the Instagram app.

“Great, I’ll post it.”

She doesn’t give much thought to the caption, just quickly browses through some of her recent pictures for any common themes or pet names or ways she talks about Kara.

She doesn’t let herself think about it.

_lkluthor: quiet night in with my love @kara_danvers!_

But all that evening, the phrase _my love my love my love_ plays on a loop in Lena’s head.

She needs to pull it together.

It’s just a fake thing.

Maybe they can pretend to slowly drift apart after a few weeks, and this can all be over.

Because this is what hell feels like.

//

Lena leaves shortly after she posts the picture to Instagram.

And Kara just sits and still feels cold from the absence of Lena’s body wrapped around her, in shock about actually being around Lena without either of them crying, of the whole situation.

It doesn’t get any better when she finally clicks on the notification and sees Lena referring to her as _my love_ in the caption.

It knocks the air out of Kara’s lungs for a reason she can’t quite pin down. Maybe it’s just how ridiculous this entire thing is, that they’re actually having to do this in the first place. Maybe it’s that she’s seen several memories of a fake Kara and Lena’s life together, but this is the first thing they’ve actually consciously done.

And maybe it’s the newfound hope that Kara feels to have Lena working with her again.

The same feeling comes back ten times stronger when Kara starts sifting through the comments left on the picture already, several adoring fans commenting on how cute they look together, and then a few familiar names.

_alexd: thanks for always documenting your dates so kara doesn’t have to tell me all the intimate details! (ps: she does anyway)_

Kara thinks she doesn’t even want to know all the details that Alex knows.

_catconia: I SHIP IT SO HARD._

_catcomagazine: such a lovely couple!_

She keeps reading to find even more.

_k_olsen88: probably just practicing to beat me and @alexd at game night. #goodluck_

And one she doesn’t expect:

_lexluthor: love seeing you so happy, sis!_

Kara feels the anger rise because she knows to the world, Lex looks like a supportive brother.

And Kara is one of very few who know it’s just a ruse.

Kara still can’t figure it out—why Lex would bargain for this, if he indeed has.

But Kara can’t help but almost feel grateful for it right now, because it means she’s one step closer to getting her best friend back.

And as confusing as everything about this new Earth is, maybe that’s enough for now.

Kara falls asleep that night trying not to think about the picture she and Lena took together and failing.

How happy they looked.

How maybe they can be that happy again.

Kara gets a call from Alex early the next morning asking her to meet at the DEO. When Kara arrives, the area is empty aside from Alex, Nia, J’onn, and Lena.

“Hey!”

Kara greets the group, but Alex, Nia, and J’onn all shift their gaze toward Lena and then back to Kara with confusion on their faces.

“Hey? That’s all she gets?” Nia asks.

Kara turns to look at Lena, who’s frozen in confusion as well.

“What do you mean?” Kara asks, laughing nervously.

“Typically, when it’s just us around, the rest of us get a greeting in passing, and you immediately go to make out with Lena in front of our faces,” Alex replies.

Oh.

That’s…

Oh.

Kara’s mouth opens and closes a few times, but no words are coming out because…

Kara’s not really sure what to say to that.

“That’s—that’s a bit of an exaggeration,” she recovers.

“Seriously, is this some new roleplay thing?” Nia quips.

And Kara’s mind goes blank.

She definitely can’t look at Lena right now.

Because she’s definitely not sure what to say—or even think—about the fact that apparently she and Lena have a tendency to be quite… unprofessional… at work.

Or “ridiculously horny for someone your age” she thinks Alex had phrased it on a separate Instagram picture she’d seen.

“Sorry. No. I’m just—tired. Lena, uh, kept me up late last night.”

Everyone in the group groans, except for Lena, who Kara swears is blushing and trying to hold back a laugh.

Apparently they have a brand.

Might as well keep with it.

“Why are you two like this?” Alex asks. 

Someone clears their throat, and everyone in the group looks to Lena, who’s shaking her head with faux disappointment.

“Darling, how many times have I told you we need to tone it down in front of our friends?”

Kara’s jaw drops at the fact that Lena is just…playing along? So easily?

“If my memory serves correctly, you aren’t much better, Lena,” J’onn adds.

Lena looks over at Kara with a grimace at J’onn’s choice of words.

Kara presses forward.

“We’re just trying to be more professional at work.”

“Then please bring that professionalism to dinner with me and Kelly tomorrow night,” Alex responds.

Dinner.

They have to have dinner.

With Alex. And Kelly.

On a double date.

Great.

“Tomorrow… Right! Sorry, I forgot, Alex.”

“I’ll make sure to remind her again tomorrow, Alex,” Lena says, placing a gentle hand on Alex’s shoulder and somehow sliding right into this role with seemingly no issues at all _and how is she doing that when Kara can barely string a sentence together…_

Kara doesn’t understand how Lena is making this look so effortless.

“Thank you, Lena. It takes a village to keep this one on task sometimes.”

Alex and Lena laugh together, like everything is fine and Lena wasn’t just talking to Kara about how hurt she still is the night before.

“Hey!”

The entire group starts laughing, and Kara joins in because she doesn’t know what else to do, until Lena catches her eye and starts ushering her away.

“Come on, Supergirl, we’ve got work to do.”

Kara thinks she hears Alex say something about how “you two better not fuck in the supply closet again,” and Kara almost flies through the ceiling.

“Where are we going?” Kara asks as Lena leads her away.

Lena turns a corner down a hallway and looks back to make sure the rest of the group is out of sight.

She narrows her eyes at Kara.

“I’m amazed they didn’t pick up on how uncomfortable you look.”

Kara stumbles over her words—any words—to defend herself.

“Making out with you in the middle of the DEO dressed as Supergirl? I would never do that! If the wrong person walked in, it could start a whole cheating scandal—"

“Supergirl.”

Lena anchors Kara with both hands pressing on her shoulders and very directly telling her to breathe.

It feels nice.

It almost feels normal if she doesn’t think about it too hard.

“Right. Sorry.”

Lena’s phone pings in her pocket, and she takes her hands off Kara’s shoulders to check it, sighing when the screen lights up.

“I have to go. It’s Lex.”

Kara nods as Lena pulls back and turns to head back down the hallway, her heels echoing in the quiet.

Kara watches as she goes, and all she can think to yell out to her is, “Be careful!”

Lena stops and turns back around for a moment and offers Kara a smile and nod before continuing down the hallway.

And something about it makes Kara think that maybe, just maybe, she and Lena are going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> but really, thank you again for all the support. the vast majority of you have been lovely.


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> double dates. what's the difference between fake and real feelings? and most importantly: kara and lena find out how horny this version of themselves is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i once saw a fic tagged "this fic cherrypicks the parts of canon that it likes," and i just wanna say... yeah. honestly, i only watched 5x13 because it was supercorp-centric and i'm not sure i'll watch the other episodes for right now, so this is just gonna pluck some lines and plotlines from canon and then the rest is whatever the fuck i want it to be. yeehaw supercorp endgame.

As it turns out, going on a fake double date with the woman she’s been in love with for years is about as awkward as it sounds.

Lena has to pretend the air isn’t being knocked out of her lungs when she picks a nervously smiling Kara up that evening. Lena has to pretend her heart isn’t going to beat out of her chest when she leans over to give Kara’s hand a squeeze and hold onto it loosely for a few minutes in the backseat of the car. Lena has to pretend that there still isn’t what feels like a chasm between them, one that they don’t know how to cross.

The audience is only Lena’s driver, but he’s an audience nonetheless.

And Lena hates that holding Kara’s hand doesn’t feel as stilted or awkward as she expects it to.

And really, a little hand-holding is nothing compared to having to actually carry a conversation with Kelly and Alex effectively.

“So Lena, how is everything going with Lex? You all have that big Luthor Foundation Gala coming up in a couple of weeks, right?” Alex asks her after they order their drinks.

Shit.

Lena’s stomach bottoms out because that’s just another appointment, another event she has no clue about because of course Lex hasn’t bothered to tell her, and she still hasn’t figured out all the changes in her schedule on Earth-Prime, hasn’t figured out all the ways life is different and what stays the same.

Lena still feels like she’s on the outside looking in and living someone else’s life.

And then, Lena’s brain is overwhelmed by the image of her and Kara needing to play the part of happy couple at a black-tie affair, and Lena nearly chokes on her water.

“Oh, I mean, Lex has been great,” she says, because she really doesn’t know what else to say.

Alex just smirks and leans in conspiratorially.

“You don’t have to pretend, Lena. Restored memories, remember?”

At that, Kara coughs loudly and takes a long sip of water. Lena tries to sneak a glare at Kara but fails and instead draws her own attention back to Alex and Kelly.

Wait—

“So J’onn restored Kelly’s memories too?”

Kelly nods and adds, “And Brainy and Nia. But it sounds like doing too much more might have some long-term effects. I’m not sure I understand how it all works.”

Lena chuckles at that because at least she’s not the only one confused by all of this. It’s only been a few days, but Lena’s used to having to be quick under pressure. To having to adapt quickly and think on her feet.

A whole new earth? A whole new life she doesn’t quite recognize?

It’s unfortunately a thing that takes time, longer than a few days to adjust.

Lena doesn’t feel like she has _time._

What she needs to figure out is what Lex is up to and how to stop him, how to make sure he doesn’t keep coming back like some recurring nightmare that Lena just can’t shake. What she needs to figure out is why put her and Kara in this position in the first place?

“I _know_ I don’t understand how it all works,” Kara agrees.

Kelly offers Kara a sympathetic smile, and Lena wonders where the waiter went and how long it’ll be before he’s back with her drink.

“But don’t worry,” Alex says. “I know your brother kind of sucks.”

And thankfully—bless this man, Lena thinks—the waiter returns and offers Lena her expensive whiskey.

She feels like she’s about to need it.

“How is he with all this by the way? Secretly knowing you’re dating a Kryptonian?” Kelly asks once the waiter leaves their table, her voice low.

Lena has to suppress the urge to drain her drink in one sip as her stomach drops for the second time in about five minutes. Because with all the climbs and drops, being around Kara is sometimes like a being on a carnival ride that she desperately wishes she was strong enough to get off.

It hurts hearing her say it, hurts hearing her so casually mention that she, Kelly, someone Kara has known for much less time than Lena, knows that Kara is Supergirl.

Sometimes, some moments, Lena thinks the pain is getting duller.

And then something like this happens. Or she’ll remember a moment that, in hindsight, she feels so foolish about. Like the alien detection devices. Like the times she thought _she_ could protect Kara.

She wonders if Kelly, being the professional she is, picks up on the brief moment that Lena shifts uncomfortably in her seat before reminding herself of little boxes, of taping them shut in thick layers and filing them away in a make-believe storage unit.

If she does, she doesn’t say anything.

But if Kelly doesn’t pick up on it, Kara certainly does, as she fields the question before the silence drags on for too long.

“So far, supportive, I guess? At least he acts like it in public.”

Lena shrugs and nods in agreement, thinking of his weirdly supportive Instagram comment from the other night.

“Yeah, it’s…odd to say the least.”

 _Odd_ doesn’t cover it. But Lena doesn’t really know what else to say.

Kelly smiles and nods thoughtfully after taking a sip of her drink, and then takes a knife to the tape on Lena’s boxes.

“You know, I’m really glad you two chose to come to therapy after Kara told you the truth. Probably saved you two quite a long haul.”

And Lena is so thankful that she held off on taking another sip of her drink, because it surely would have ended with Alex, who is seated across from Lena, wearing it.

They went to _therapy_?

_Together?_

Lena chances a look over at Kara, whose expression is somehow completely unreadable. Until she peeks down next to her and sees that Kara’s legs are bouncing so uncontrollably that she might accidentally propel herself into flight.

Lena acts on impulse. Or at the very least, to prevent the most anti-climactic Supergirl reveal possible.

She lays a hand firmly on one of Kara’s knees, which stops the bouncing dead. Lena times this display of affection with a sweet smile toward Kara—who musters up a weak smile back—and saying, “Yes. I’m sure it did.”

But Lena isn’t quite sure what to focus on here.

The fact that apparently she and Kara have worked out their differences rather efficiently and effectively in therapy together.

Or.

The fact that Lena’s heart rate spikes and something much more pleasant than the bottoming out rollercoaster sensation settles in her stomach with the realization that she’s able to settle Kara, able to settle _Supergirl_ —the Girl of Steel—with just a touch of her hand.

(She’s going to need another drink.)

Lena feels Kara squeeze the hand on her knee to draw her back down from the clouds, to anchor her right back when Alex adds to the conversation.

“Got your heads out of your asses a lot quicker.”

Lena’s breath hitches when she feels Kara squeeze her hand uncomfortably tighter, and Kara lets go immediately as she laughs just a little too loud, a little too hard at her sister’s comments.

“How do you mean?” Kara asks while still awkwardly laughing, and Lena prays that whatever Kryptonian gods are out there are smiling down on Kara right now, and that the question doesn’t come off as odd to Kelly and Alex.

But Alex only gives a challenging raise of her eyebrow in response and cocks her head to the side.

“Oh, come on Kara, you’ve been crazy about Lena for forever.”

Oh.

_Oh._

And this is it.

This is the way Lena’s life ends.

Not from the dozens of assassination attempts. Not from the pain of betrayal she’s felt at the hands of so many loved ones. Not from anything that she would have expected.

She’s going to die right here from a heart attack at the idea that Kara might actually have feelings for her, too.

Lena’s sure of it.

Lena schools her features from shock to amusement quickly and with a practiced ease, goes back to pretending and ignores the way she feels a little dizzy from it all, and looks over at Kara, whose face is burning red as she adjusts her glasses like she always does when she’s anxious.

“That’s—"

But whatever words Kara might have had just die on her lips, and she shakes her head with another breathy laugh.

And this is a box that Lena takes all her effort stuffing down, fitting its contents inside neatly. She sits on it with the whole weight of her body to force it shut so it doesn’t crawl out and crush her right back by laying heavy against her chest.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kara finally chokes out.

Lena takes a glance around the table. Lena is trying to remain calm and just play the part of amused girlfriend while Kelly tries not to betray with her facial expressions that she’s probably psychoanalyzing Kara’s body language. And Alex just has a giant grin on her face, apparently loving making Kara squirm like this.

“Kara, you’ve been dating her for six months. You don’t have to be shy about it. You certainly aren’t shy about sharing about your sex li—"

“Okay! We get it! I overshare sometimes, apparently.”

(Lena wonders if Kara is paying attention to how fast her heart is beating.)

But Alex shrugs and keeps poking, clearly taking great joy in all of this.

A terrible part of Lena wants her to keep going because she wants to know more. _Has_ to know more.

The part of Lena that stacks the boxes is begging Alex to stop.

“I’m just saying for someone who once told me you ‘fucked Lena within an inch of her life last night,’ you’re being awfully withholding now.”

Lena can’t help it.

She chokes on her drink and nearly swallows an ice cube whole because all she can think about now is Kara fucking her hard and fast until her voice is hoarse.

The three turn to her as she recovers by taking a long drink of water.

(Nobody has to know that she’s mostly drinking it to try and cool down in this suddenly way-too-hot restaurant.)

“I’m literally right here,” Lena quips in response.

Because really, what else do you say when your “girlfriend” is talking about your sex life with her sister and her sister’s girlfriend?

But Alex just shakes her head and replies, “Well then congrats on the sex!”

The problem is, Alex says it much too loudly, and suddenly there are at least a dozen pairs of eyes on their table, and Kara is covering her face with her hands, slinking down in her chair, seemingly to try and slide away from the embarrassment.

Lena doesn’t make eye contact with any of the patrons, just seeks the waiter out with her eyes as she holds up her empty glass and tries desperately (and fails) to ignore the fact that she’s living in a universe where Kara Danvers has been inside her.

“Alex…,” Kelly admonishes.

“Sorry, I just…”

Alex trails off and then darts her eyes between Lena and Kara.

“Are you sure you two are okay? You’ve been really…cagey.”

Kara removes her hands from her face and sits up straighter, either tipped off by the increase in Lena’s heartbeat (again), Alex’s comment, or a combination of the two.

No.

They are so not okay.

Not even close.

And no one has any idea.

“Like, I’m not saying this sudden restraint is a bad thing. I’m just saying I’m used to you two being very loud about your relationship.”

Alex’s amusement seems to shift to concern, and Lena just shifts in her chair.

She very suddenly feels like crying. Not because of how overwhelmed this whole fake-dating Kara is, not because of how draining it is to keep this up.

But because there’s something about the idea of her and Kara being together, being in love, and apparently, being so free and open together, that breaks Lena’s heart right in half.

It’s Kara who finally answers.

“Just re-adjusting after the crisis I think. It’s been difficult.”

Kara looks down after she says it and shrugs, and Lena begs to know what she’s thinking.

And then just like that, it’s gone again, and Kara is looking up with a soft smile on her face.

Maybe Lena isn’t the only one packing boxes, she thinks.

“Maybe more therapy is in order,” Kara adds, looking over at Kelly.

“Never a bad idea,” Kelly returns, smiling.

Lena just sighs and nods in resignation.

Apparently therapy has worked once for them before.

Maybe they do need to go again.

(If it keeps the charade up properly, she thinks.)

(But Lena isn’t really sure how they can get around the fact that everyone is missing out on some very key information in all of this.)

“But maybe have a conversation about what should and shouldn’t be shared with friends and sisters,” Alex adds.

Later that night, Lena tries to replace thoughts of Kara _fucking her within an inch of her life_ with thoughts of punching Lex in the face.

It doesn’t work.

She’s supposed to be angry at Kara.

She’s supposed to hate her.

And Lena can’t.

She falls asleep at three in the morning, to the image of Kara trailing lazy kisses down her stomach.

Lena can’t bring herself to hate Kara.

But she really hates herself.

//

Kara isn’t very productive at work the next day.

She has some clickbait article to write, which is not at all what she wants to be doing considering the recent success of her Batwoman coming out article.

But instead, Andrea gave something more hard-hitting to William.

Which, maybe, isn’t the worst thing in the world, considering that while the Crisis is technically over, Kara still feels like her life is very much in a crisis.

Especially considering she can’t focus on writing long enough to actually type anything coherent, because all she’s thinking about is dinner last night.

All she can think about is the way Lena’s heart was racing for so much of the evening, of all the things she doesn’t know about this version of herself. And once again, of the fact that Kara and Lena apparently have a very… _active_ life in the bedroom.

All she can think about is the feel of Lena’s hand in hers and the soothing effect it has, has always had.

_Oh, come on Kara, you’ve been crazy about Lena for forever._

Alex’s words play on a loop in Kara’s mind all morning. She accidentally types them into a Word document at one point.

She thinks about the look of surprise that crossed Lena’s face for just a moment, just long enough for Kara to see it, the way she heard her heartbeat stutter.

Kara doesn’t even know where to begin processing this.

Because they’re just reaching some sort of semblance of normalcy again, through working together, no matter how unconventional it is to be working together to find out why her fake-girlfriend’s formerly dead brother has created a world where she and said fake-girlfriend are dating. And also the part where the formerly dead brother is definitely up to no good.

It’s a lot, to say the least. 

And Kara doesn’t quite know why, or how, maybe doesn’t _want_ to acknowledge it.

But she knows that this is all going to blow up in her face somehow.

She’s still ruminating on it later in the afternoon when she joins Nia and William for lunch at Noonan’s.

“So how’s the girlfriend?” Nia asks with a too-bright, too-excited smile when Kara sits down.

Kara wishes it was easier to shove down the inexplicable feeling she’s getting from hearing people call Lena her _girlfriend_. She wishes it was as easy to shove down with the same practiced ease with which she shoves down all her fears every morning.

But like with everything else, like with stuffing down the worries about everyone she loves getting hurt, the worry of being outed as Supergirl, the weight of Krypton she carries around every minute, it’ll take practice.

So Kara just smiles tightly and responds, “She’s great.”

It seems to placate Nia enough, but William is staring at her inquisitively, and Kara wishes she had known ahead of time that she was going to be interviewed by her friends instead of having a casual conversation over lunch.

“You know, I haven’t seen her stop by the past week. Usually she comes in to bring you coffee or lunch or something almost every day.”

The thought alone is enough to make Kara smile—the idea that Lena is an attentive girlfriend who helps Kara keep up with her alien metabolism. It makes her feel just a little bit warmer because it seems so natural that something so typical in their friendship would carry over into a romantic relationship.

It strikes her—has done so over the course of the past several days, every time she learns something about this life—that she and Lena are _good_ together.

(Kara tries to shove that down too.)

“We’ve just been busy. She’s just been busy trying to keep up with all of Lex’s plans.”

William doesn’t seem at all pleased by that answer and keeps looking back up from his menu, to Kara and then over to Nia, and then sighing heavily.

It’s annoying, she thinks, as she watches her friend sit with the most brooding look on his face. And Kara kind of wants to throw his glass of water in his face because there is _no way_ whatever is going on with William deserves brooding more than fake dating Lena Luthor.

Finally Nia rolls her eyes and asks, “What’s going on with you?”

He puts down his menu suddenly, like he was just waiting for someone to acknowledge him, and leans in toward the two of them.

“Can you two keep a secret?”

Nia and Kara exchange a confused look, and Kara tries not to worry that this has anything to do with Lex Luthor.

“Kara, I know I was telling you that I don’t trust Lex Luthor,” he continues.

Fuck.

William pauses like he’s trying to work out in his head how he wants to say it. Nia just keeps staring at him, waving her hands in small circles toward him like she wants him to continue.

“What I was going to tell you the other day is that…I think he may have been responsible for murdering my best friend.”

Well, that’s…something.

“Oh shit,” Nia mutters from behind her menu. 

“Do you have proof?” Kara asks.

William is staring down at the table and exchanges a knowing look with Nia because…

Maybe Lex isn’t as well loved in this world as he thinks.

“Not yet.”

“Wait, is that why you moved to National City?” Nia asks.

Of course. Earth-38 William moved to National City for similar reasons, and—

William confirms it with a nod.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t like him either,” Nia adds quietly.

Kara just sits there with her mouth open, and they change the subject shortly after that.

Kara is stuck on it throughout the rest of the day.

She doesn’t get much work done at all.

Because while Lex has put himself in a position of power and turned himself into a benevolent philanthropist, how long until Earth-Prime’s citizens’ free will catches up? How long until Lex slips up, or someone like William exposes him?

It sticks with her all throughout the day until she flies to the only person she can really talk to about any of it.

She lands on Lena’s balcony with a soft thud, and the doors are open.

They’re always open.

Even through everything, Lena’s always kept her doors open to Kara, to Supergirl, and Kara tries not to read into the symbolism of it too much.

“Hey,” Kara greets softly with a knock on the glass door.

“Hey,” Lena answers, looking up from her phone as she sits curled up in a chair in the corner next to her fireplace.

Lena’s eyes are raking all over Kara’s body in a way that makes her tense, in a way that makes her feel small under Lena’s gaze. Her eyes bore into the House of El crest on her chest and then fly back up to Kara’s face. 

“I’m sorry—it’s still weird for me to see you in that suit and think of you as Kara.”

It hurts a little bit, because Kara hates the idea that Lena can’t quite mesh the two—Kara and Supergirl—together as quickly as she wishes she could.

It’s hard to be patient.

So Kara points back out the window and starts to turn, telling her, “I can go change.”

Lena laughs a little at that and rises from the chair, holding up a hand.

“No, it’s—I need to get used to it.”

And then Lena stands with her arms hanging limply and her fingers interlaced, waiting for Kara to tell her why she’s here.

(And truthfully, Kara’s almost forgotten.)

Right.

Lex.

Free will.

Or something like that.

“So the good news is that if your brother is planning some terrible, nefarious thing—"

“Which he definitely always is.”

Kara smirks and nods.

“If that’s the case, we do have some support on our side.”

Lena cocks her head and folds her arms, and she does that thing with her hands where she spreads her fingers and lays them delicately on her own bicep, and _why is that always so distracting to Kara—_

“Well yeah, those who had their memories restored.”

Kara nods and takes a tentative step closer. She’s missed this with Lena—the way they feed off each other, the way they build on each others’ theories.

(Even Earth-38 Alex had noticed it once and pointed it out later to Kara as their own weird form of foreplay. Kara had accidentally crushed a chair at the DEO in response.)

“But surely there’s more people out there who don’t like him. Most public figures are polarizing no matter what.”

Lena opens her mouth and closes it again.

She regards Kara for a moment, like she’s trying to decide if she wants to say something, and Kara finds her patience tested yet again in the milli-seconds before Lena actually speaks.

(She’s never been good at patience—years in the Phantom Zone have made her never want to wait for anything again.)

“Most people love you,” is what comes out of Lena’s mouth.

And the way she says it is almost like a challenge.

Most people.

Kara knows she has plenty of adversaries, plenty of anti-alien protestors who probably want to see her fall on this Earth too. She has Lex and Lillian and literally so many—

But that’s not who she’s thinking of when Kara levels her gaze right on Lena and says, “Not everyone.”

There’s a flash of something in Lena’s eyes, a quick bobbing of her throat, and then the woman in front of her is steeling herself again.

Sometimes it’s a wonder that they call Supergirl the Girl of Steel, Kara thinks, when lately Lena seems to have a monopoly on bracing herself for anything Kara says.

Lena’s gaze drops to the floor, and Kara clears her throat.

“My point is, even William, who has no knowledge of the Crisis, seems to think something is up with Lex. Maybe there’s more people out there like that.”

Lena barks out a laugh.

“And what would we do? Stage a coup?”

Kara can tell that Lena is quickly shutting down again.

And it makes her chest clench especially hard because they’d been doing so well for these first several days on a new Earth.

And she’s so tired of backpedaling to appease Lena, to try to not make her more upset.

She’s just so tired.

She doesn’t want to fight with Lena, but sometimes Kara wonders if that’s what it’s going to take, if its going to take stopping walking on eggshells and finally telling Lena that she needs to meet her halfway.

But not now.

Not tonight.

Kara’s too tired.

So she backs down.

“I don’t know, Lena. We’re still gathering information about this world, about…us.”

“So you and I remember everything about the original timeline. And so does Lex. Alex, Brainy, Nia, J’onn and Kelly have all had their memories restored except for us dating.”

“But we don’t know why.”

Lena nods and stares at the floor.

“And we really don’t know much about how we got together other than it happened right after the reveal.”

“And instead of distancing ourselves, we went to therapy,” Kara adds.

Kara doesn’t miss the way Lena’s eyebrow rises, and her mouth quirks into a small smile at the mention of them in therapy together.

She doesn’t know what Lena is thinking but imagines it does have something to do with the image of them in therapy together with Kelly or one of her coworkers because shit—mediated communication probably would help them quite a bit, wouldn’t it?

Kara’s just grateful that Lena feels somewhat relaxed enough to smile.

“And if, in this timeline, we’ve been dating for six months, it must have happened pretty quickly after.”

Kara just nods solemnly, and Lena looks back up at her with a shrug.

“So now what?”

//

Lena doesn’t miss all the whispers and smiles she gets when she strides into CatCo the next morning with a latte and bag of pastries.

She just chooses to ignore them all, sights set on the desk of one blonde reporter who she’s certain is going to be the death of her.

“ _Now, you bring me coffee or lunch or something tomorrow at work because apparently, that’s something you do,” is how Kara had answered her question last night._

_And Lena had laughed. Hard._

_“Oh, really?”_

_Lena’s almost grateful for the distraction, for the diffusion of the quickly thickening tension between them again._

_And of course, the way to Kara’s heart (in any universe) would be food._

_“According to William and Nia,” Kara answers._

And if Lena’s going to play the part of Kara Danvers’ girlfriend, she’s going to do it well. She’s going to make sure there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that their relationship is legitimate. 

So Lena approaches Kara’s desk and clears her throat, causing Kara to whirl around in her desk chair, her eyes settling on Lena as she holds up her coffee and baked goods.

“Good morning,” Kara greets softly, standing up to take the offered items from Lena’s hands. 

If Lena’s going to play the part, she’s going to do it well.

That’s what she’s going to tell herself today.

It has nothing to do with the fact that she’s wishing this was real.

It has nothing to do with the fact that her anger at Kara is burning less brightly and is now burning more at herself.

And it definitely has nothing to do with the broken way Kara had bore her eyes right into Lena’s and reminded her that _not everyone_ loves Kara.

No, it definitely has nothing to do with the fact that Kara might think that Lena doesn’t love her anymore, when Lena knows that she loves Kara too much for her own good.

Even when she’s trying to hate her.

Even when she still wants to hurt her.

Instead, what Lena does is smile sweetly and give her a “Hello, darling.”

“What’s this?” Kara asks, holding up the latte and pastry bag.

“Someone reminded me I’ve been slacking on my girlfriend duties.”

And then Kara ducks her head and laughs, and Lena sees a faint blush tinting her face.

Lena knows she’s in so over her head.

(She’ll let herself have this little moment. After that, it’s time to pack the boxes again.)

“I—you don’t _have_ to do these things.”

Lena smirks and tells herself she’s still playing a part when she replies, “But I want to.”

Kara puts her breakfast down on her desk and wraps her arms around Lena’s neck, pulling her close, and god, Lena hates herself, but she presses her lips to Kara’s cheek.

Kara holds her there tightly, and Lena convinces herself that it’s all for show.

“How are you so good at this fake dating thing?” Kara whispers in her ear, and Lena has to fight off a shiver that comes from Kara’s lips tickling the shell of her ear.

It’s almost a relief that Kara asks it, because hopefully it means she has no idea what war Lena is fighting on the inside.

Instead, she just pulls away and says, “I’ll see you later, okay? Don’t work too hard.”

Lena’s so mad at Lex.

She’s so mad at herself.

But she’s really struggling to find a way to stay mad at Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who needs plot when you can just have these two yearn for 5000 words a chapter


End file.
